i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
