ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
