My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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