Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
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