do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
my poor anus
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
