you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
