hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
