I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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