I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How external is "for external use only"?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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