just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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