Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.