Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.