new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize