I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
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People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.