Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO