I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness