Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
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I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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