well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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