Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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