I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
