Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
