I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
