There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
