almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
