birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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