got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
