oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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