please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
