Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
