Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
