my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
