Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
