I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
