never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
