If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
