Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
