I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
