Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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