I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
