fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
