Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
