Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
