Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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