Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
