She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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