He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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