not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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