just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
