It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
