Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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