Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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