We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
