honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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