whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
