look no pants
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
