no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
