I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
