I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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