If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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