Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize