i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
