And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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