We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
