yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
