1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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