"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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