Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
