Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm both gender and math confused
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
