Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize