You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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