I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
How naked do you want me to be?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
