My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Randomize
