so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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