drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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