Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
