his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
